Terror
by JaggedHands
Summary: A 3 part fic. Amanda is one of many victims of a terrorist attack. In the midst of it all, Olivia and her younger detective realizes how much they mean to each other.
1. Chapter 1

Terror

Part 1 Of 3

 **Hi guys.**

 **Im back with, what will hopefully be, a 3 part fic, maybe slightly longer. This random idea just popped into my head one day and I couldn't stop thinking about it so I decided to just get it out of my system. If violent and gruesome content is too much for you then you might want to skip reading this story all together. There will be some blood and gore in the first part and probably in the first part of the second chapter. After there will be a lot of hurt/comfort between two women and mabe even romantic feelings to follow.**

 **Enjoy.**

"Damn car." Amanda muttered, kicked one of the front tyres and growled. "Now I'm gonna be late." quickly, she fished out her phone from her pocket and scribbled down a text and sent it to her partner, trying to concentrate on where she was walking at the same time. The L train was just a couple of blocks away but when running late it seemed more like two miles. At least she didn't have to worry about sweating, since it was sub zero degrees outside, as she sprinted down the street and eventually turning the corner to the metro station.

It was crowded as rush hour was about to start. The car would've been quicker, since she knew all the shortcuts and which streets to avoid during the crazy hours, but by taking the sub she would lose time as she had to change at two different stations. Just as she ran out onto the platform the train closed it's doors and took off, the screeching sound of iron and steel being forcefully dragged against each other in a great speed caused Amanda to shiver. She had never liked that sound.

Cursing silently for missing the train, she stomped impatiently with her foot against the dirty slated platform while standing on her tippy toes to try and make out the time of the next train on the sign hanging from the ceiling. Eight more minutes. Eight more minutes of being late.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she prayed to god that it wasn't Olivia giving out to her for not showing up on time. However, Fin's name popped up on the bright screen, saying that it was all good and to get in whenever she could. His sentence calmed her a little bit, knowing that her partner always had her back in thick or thin, sickness and health until death do them apart. A partnership in svu was almost like a marriage in a way. Detectives would often spend more time with their colleagues and work partners than their husband, wife or kids, all due to the long shifts and random hours day or night.

Glancing at the sign again she noticed that only two minutes had passed since she last checked it and she cursed under her breath. Why did time have to pass so slowly in the subway every time she was running late? Was there actually some kind of different time zone bellow the ground in New York city that caused the minutes to pass more slowly than the minutes above the ground? She, of course, knew that that was impossible but one did wonder.

Most people had managed to get onto the train that only left a couple of minutes ago but there was still a big crowd hanging around, waiting for the next incoming sub to take them to their various destinations so they could get on with their day. To her left was a young girl, probably in her late teenage years, listening to music as her head bobbed up and down to the beat streaming through her headphones as she typed on her cell. To her right she had two business men, one Caucasian and one Asian. They were both constantly checking their expensive wrist watches, worrying about the time, obviously concerned about being late to the office or an important meeting.

An older lady with a cane stood a few feet away from the two men, humming softly to herself as she seemed to be lost in her own little time and space and Amanda couldn't help but to smile faintly at the cute old woman.

Finally the train approached the platform with a great speed, the loud vibrating noise and the grinding of steel coming their way like a beast that refused to be tamed. Luckily, this train was not nearly as full as the previous one and Amanda let out a sigh of relief as she entered the cart and took a seat. The journey was only five stops but, when running late, it felt like fifty.

Just as the train passed Lorimer Street, Brooklyn, everything changed. Just a normal day, just another regular day, similar to every other day except that it wasn't. Not this time. Not this day. A sudden loud bang rang out and it felt as if someone had thrown her out of her seat and tossed her into the wall of the cart, knocking the wind out of her and she could almost feel her brain rattling around inside her skull from the intense blow.

It took a while before she got her bearings back and, when she did, the first thing she became aware of was how quiet it was around her and how blurry her vision was. The air was full of dust, ash and debris and she couldn't figure out where all the dirt had come from in such a short period of time. The air had been clear just a moment ago and now it seemed like she was trapped in the middle of a cloud of dust and smoke. How did she end up on the floor? What the hell had happened?

Looking around she didn't see much. Her field of vision was compromised by the dirt and dust that was swiveling through the air like a sandstorm. Some of the ashes passed through her windpipe as she took a breath and it immediately caused a coughing fit to erupt from deep within her chest and that's when she felt the pain. She was almost afraid to look down to assess the damage but survival instincts kicked in and she had to know. It was a searing pain that shot all the way into the marrow of her bone, burning, throbbing and gnawing at her flesh, muscle, nerve and tissue. She couldn't believe what she saw as she turned her head and looked down.

A large piece of fiberglass, probably from one of the shattered windows, had pierced her shoulder and the end of the sharp shrapnel was sticking out by approximately two inches. She had no idea how much damage it had caused or how deep her wound really was. All she knew was that removing it was not an option as she could do more harm than good and, as she moved her shoulder around a bit, she could feel the glass scraping against her bone and she cried out in pain as crimson liquid began to slowly seep out from the wound, staining her blouse and coat.

The cry she let out was muffled and distant. Why did her own cry sound so alien and foreign; as if she was listening to herself screaming from miles and miles away? How come she couldn't hear herself, or anything else for that matter? Had she suddenly gone partly deaf?

Then, from somewhere inside the cart she could faintly make out a banging noise. From where; she didn't know, or how far away but it was a persistent knocking sound, like something solid being slammed against metal over and over. Finally, her hearing seemed to improve slightly as the noise became clearer and more defined. She also became aware of a ringing sound in her ears, almost like a high pitched noise that caused her to cringe in discomfort and she tried to shake her head to get rid of it but that didn't seem to work as the ringing was still very present.

Slowly she moved her legs around, carefully, as she didn't know if her lower body had sustained any injuries and luckily she seemed to be okay. Grunting and in pain she somehow managed to get up on her wobbly legs and the whole world started to spin wildly around her, her head throbbing like a jackhammer with every heartbeat and a wave of nausea forcefully attacked her without warning. Taking a deep breath always helped to get rid of any unwelcoming sickness but, since the air was dusty and with a thick layer of ash and debris, she found it impossible to swallow the uncomfortable surge of nausea and she had no choice but to crouch down and empty the contents of her stomach onto the floor.

The involuntary heaving caused even more discomfort to her already pounding head and she cried out while her stomach churned repeatedly. Amanda knew she was suffering from a concussion and well aware that she shouldn't be standing or walking but the detective in her wanted to know what the hell had happened and why she had ended up being slammed against the wall of the train, banged up, bruised, bleeding with a concussion. She felt something warm sliding down her neck and realized it was blood as she withdrew her hand and her fingers were coated with the red iron substance. This was not good.

The repetitive banging, that she heard only a few seconds ago, became louder, clearer and almost frantic and she could now hear a low and painful whimpering coming from her right hand side. "Hello? Where are you? Keep banging so I can find you."

"I'm here, please, help me! I'm... I'm stuck."

It was a woman's voice and Amanda did her very best to snap out of her cloudy and disoriented state of mind so she could be somewhat productive and help the poor girl. "I can hear you. Keep banging, I'm coming to you." she announced, groaning in pain herself as the large piece of glass once again kept grinding against the bone in her shoulder.

Forcefully, she pushed herself through the chaos of twisted and broken steel, plastic seats and debris, kicking at whole row of seats that was blocking here way and that's when she came upon a man lying face down in the dirt, lifeless. Quickly, she checked for a pulse and, when she couldn't find one, she managed to get the man onto his back, ready for chest compressions, but she stopped dead in her tracks. It was one of the business men she had spotted on the platform earlier, is head completely bashed in, brain matter scattered all around the floor beside him. He was dead.

The nausea quickly reared it's ugly face again as she dry heaved from the horrific sight. She had seen a lot of blood and gore during the many years on the force but this was a completely different level and she knew that this would stay with her for the rest of her life. When she had nothing left in her stomach but bile, she removed her coat and placed it over the man's head to spare herself or others from the horrible picture.

"Hello? You still there?" The voice of the woman called out, wondering what was talikg so long.

"Almost there, hang on." Amanda reassured as she carefully manoeuvred her way through the cart to the very end of it. Immediately she spotted the girl, the same girl who had listened to music on the platform before, but she looked completely different. This time, she had nothing but fear and pain in her eyes and her whole face was covered in blood and soot, her lower body trapped beneath the rubble of torn and trashed train interior.

"Hey, honey, I'm Amanda. What's your name?" she tried to stay calm but she knew what she was looking at wasn't good.

"Greta, Greta Harrison." she choked out, blood trickling down from the corner of her mouth. "Please, help me. My... My legs, they're pinned. I... I can't move."

Amanda immediately began to assess the damage but couldn't see much as her legs were completely hidden underneath the debris. "Don't try to move, honey. I'm gonna try and lift this up, hopefully enough for you to pull yourself out, okay. Ready, here we go."

Amanda remember reading an article about super human strength and how it usually appeared in extreme, traumatic and survival- like situations like the one she was currently in and she just hoped that she would be able to move the heavy weight pinning the poor girl down. She took a shuddering breath, found a firm hold of the big block, of what looked like concrete and composed herself before gathering enough strength to try and push the ton of weight off of her.

Even with her own wounded shoulder and a hammering head, she surprisingly managed to lift the block just enough to see the damage of the young woman's lower limbs and she was shocked and and horrified by the sight. The girl's legs were completely crushed to a state where they were totally unrecognizable and, without a doubt, unfixable. Blood began to gush out from the femoral artery in a steady stream but the girl didn't seem to be aware of it. If the heavy weight was completely removed then this woman would die within the matter of minutes.

"Don't move, sweetie, I'm gonna have to put the weight back, okay?"

"What! Why? I... I want to get out... I have to get out... please." she pleaded frantically, her eyes wide with fear.

"I know, honey, and you will get out but if I remove this it'll cause more damage. The weight is acting as a compression so its better better if I leave it where it is. I'm so sorry, I know it's painful but I'm gonna have to put it back down now."

Very slowly Amanda lowered the heavy block back down and when it, once again, connected with the young woman's injured legs she screamed in agony. "I know, I know, I'm so so sorry, honey. Just try and breath through the pain."

Amanda knew that this girl didn't have long and that she needed to get her out of here sooner rather than later. "I'm sure help is already on the way but I'm gonna try to find my phone and see if I can contact my Lieutenant, okay. I'm an SVU detective for the NYPD so I'll try to put a rush on things."

"No, please! Don't leave me." Greta cried out and took a fierce hold of Amanda's lower arm. "Don't leave me."

"Hey, I'm not leaving you, I promise. I'll be right back. Just breath and try to calm down." she wobbled down the cart, avoiding debris and, to her shock, more dead bodies. She doesn't remember seeing them before as she had fumbled her way through the chaos to the distraught girl. She checked each and every one of their pulse but they were all dead from horrific injuries to various body parts, one man had been completely impaled by a metal rod, like a piece of chicken on a skewer and Amanda just hoped that he had died instantly and didn't have to suffer for even a second.

She got back to the spot where she had been flung against the wall and began to desperately search for her handbag. If she was lucky, her phone would hopefully be intact and functioning so she could call her boss to inform her about the situation. It didn't take long before she spotted something familiar a few feet away from where she had been sitting only a few minutes ago. She fished through her brown leather bag and felt a thin triangular shaped object and pulled it out. Fuck! The screen was cracked in so many places but the light still came on as she pressed the unlock button.

"Please work." she whispered to herself, her hands shaking as she pressed on the 'call' icon and then lingered on number one and speed dialed her boss and placed the cell to her ear, winching in pain as she had temporarily forgotten about her own injuries and had clearly moved too fast.

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"Amanda is on her way. Her car broke down so she had to take the L."

Fin popped his head into Olivia's office and hoped that the news about their squad member's whereabouts wouldn't put Liv in a stiff mood or a compromising situation. To his relief, she seemed to take it pretty well.

"Alright, thanks Fin." she sighed, feeling slightly annoyed at Amanda but also knew that it wasn't her fault that her car had decided to go on a sudden strike.

"Lieutenant!"

Olivia looked up as Carisi came up behind Fin, who was still lingering in the doorway, worry and fear etched his face. "Did you hear?" he asked, his eyes darting from Olivia to Fin many times, searching for an answer in their faces.

"Hear what?" Fin questioned, shaking his head in confusion.

Carisi let out a shuddering breath, his face pasty white. "The L train, it got bombed a few minutes ago, suspected terrorist attack."

Fin and Olivia locked eyes for a second, dread clouding their vision. "Rollins is on that train." Fin stated, his voice flat and just as he revealed the devastating and shocking news to his colleagues, that their other female detective was currently on the very same train in question, Olivia's phone rang and her lower jaw literally dropped as she saw Amanda's name on the bright screen, confusion clouding her face.

"It... it's Rollins." she stuttered, her eyes still glued to the ringing device in her hand, staring so hard at it as if she was really making sure that it was indeed Amanda's name.

"Well, answer it!" Carisi said, his face suddenly ghostly pale and pasty from the news about his co worker and friend being on the exact same subway that had been attacked not that long ago. He approached Olivia's desk, ready to take the phone out of her hand and answer it himself if he had to but the brunette snapped out of her temporary trance and pressed the accept button with a shaky thumb, putting the younger woman on speaker phone so they could all hear what was going on.

"Amanda?"

"Olivia, thank god!" her voice was strained and broken, several coughs could be heard from the blonde as if she was struggling to take a deep breath.

"Carisi just informed us that there has been a suspected terrorists attack and that a bomb went off. Are you okay? Are you hurt? Where are you? Do you..."

"I... I'm fine, Lieutenant." she panted, clearly tired after her coughing fit, "I... I'm... I'm hurt but I'm okay. There's a woman trapped and... and there's... there's bodies... dead bodies and I... I... I just..."

"Okay, Amanda, try to calm down. Do you know the last station you passed? Can you tell me where you are exactly?"

Another cough ripped through Amanda's dry throat and she winched in pain as the large piece of shrapnel, once again, scraped against her bone. "I... I think somewhere between Lorimer Street and Bedford Station. I... I... It's hard to... to breath." just as she finished giving Olivia her location another wave of nausea came crashing over her and she had to lean to the side to throw up, her head pounding painfully and her stomach clenching in violent spasms.

They could all hear the gagging noise through the speaker phone, throwing worried looks at each other, knowing that Rollins wasn't the sensitive type and would never throw up at the sight of blood and they all knew that she must be hurt in some way to cause her to puke. "Okay, Amanda, how badly are you hurt?" Liv gently questioned, not wanting to sound stressed or too alarmed and make the situation worse.

"I... I have a... a piece of fiber glass impaled into my shoulder and a... a concussion, I think." again she gagged, convulsing as the now dry heaving continued.

"Alright, just stay calm." she informed, trying to do the same but it proved to be impossible, knowing that her detective was hurt and in danger. "I need you to sit down somewhere and wait, okay? That's all you can do, just sit down and wait until help arrives. We're on our way and we'll have you out in no time. How much battery do you have left on your phone, honey?"

She let the pet name slip, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to say, not thinking about it. However, the two male detectives did notice and threw each other a look but decided not to mention it.

"Um... about fo-forty percent." she stuttered and coughed again, almost choking on the dusty air.

"Okay, I'm gonna hang up so you can save some battery. We're on our way, just stay calm and wait for help. Call me if there's any changes."

After the phone call, they all threw each other a worried glance before they sprinted into action. Vests on, guns checked and radios securely fastened, they ran out of the building and into a squad car, turned the sirens on and sped off towards Brooklyn Bridge, needing to get over to the other side before they could even start looking for their trapped co worker.

Amanda felt slightly calmer as she knew the squad was on their way. Grunting in pain she returned to the pinned woman, hoping to provide some comfort until help would arrive. "Greta, my boss and my co workers are on their way and I'm sure there are search and rescue out here already. I need you to try and stay calm for now but hopefully wellbe out of here very soon."

The injured woman groaned as she fought to keep her eyes open. "I'm... I'm cold." she whimpered, her voice trailing off and her breathing was fast and shallow. "So tired."

"No, no, no! You can't go to sleep. You have to stay awake, honey, please talk to me. Where do you work? Tell me about your family, anything? Just don't go to sleep." Amanda pleaded, knowing that if she did fall asleep she would probably never wake up again.


	2. Chapter 2

Terror

Part 2 Of 3

"Lieutenant Olivia Benson Manhattan SVU. I need to get through, one of my detectives is down there and needs help."

She flashed her badge along with Fin and Carisi, the whole area around the main station in Bedford was sealed off to the public as police, fire fighters, ambulances, search and rescue and the SWAT team was running all over the place, shouting orders, carrying blankets, water and basic medical equipment, getting ready to bring survivers and casualties out.

A few injured men and women had already been rescued and prepared to be taken to the nearest hospital for treatment and even a small child was rushed onto a gurney and pushed into a bus, blood pouring from his little body as a metal rod was protruding from his chest. The devistation was total, a complete chaos of people and vehicles surrounding the area with a lot of spectators ready to help in any way they could. It was a mess.

"I can't let you go down there, Lieutenant. It's not safe and I have my orders. I'm sorry about your detective but I have to follow protocol." the middle-aged African American man was not about to budge on the matter and turned his attention towards his radio, listening to the updates coming through.

"Screw your protocol!" Olivia spat, shooting daggers at the man who just gave her a stern look as he responded to the icoming information and spoke again.

"Look, I know you must be worried about your co worker but I really can't let you through. I could lose my job."

"And our colleague could lose her life." Liv argued, anger shining through her dark brown eyes.

"Come on, Liv, let the man be. We'll figure something out." Fin calmly stated while placing a reassuring hand on his boss's shoulder, giving it a gentle tug. "We'll find her, she'll be okay."

There was an unexplainable strong urge to find, hold and comfort her younger detective, to make sure she was safe and taken care of and Olivia didn't understand where those feelings suddenly appeared from. Their relationship had been strenuous from the very start, not seeing eye to eye, always bickering about trivial matters or disagreements when it came to certain cases but the last six months they had become really close, like real friends, best friends even. She cared for Amanda, wanting her to be safe and happy but knowing that she was down there, amongst the horrific and brutal war of dust, debris and dead bodies caused her stomach to turn and her chest ache with a fierce need to hold the small blonde in her arms, to protect her from any further evil and ugliness.

"I need to get down there, Fin. I have to... we have to find her." her eyes welled up but she refused to cry, not wanting her two male detectives to see her in a weakened and vulnerable state. She was the boss and she needed to be strong, for the team, for herself and for Amanda.

"You heard what the man said, Liv. We can't go down there and if we did, we could cause more harm than good. We're not trained for situations like these and we might get hurt or trapped down there ourselves. We have to think about Amanda and we have to be here for her when she gets out, okay?"

"Fin is right, going down there could be fatal. Amanda will come out of this alive and we have to be here, supporting her in any way we can. Why don't you try and call her and see how she's doing?" Carisi suggested, also wanting to know, himself, if his friend was okay.

Liv already had the phone in her hand, selecting Amanda's name from her list of close contacts and prayed for an answer.

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The dust was settling, distant agonizing screams were fading before they eventually died out and the quietness around her was now deafening. Greta had painfully passed away a couple of minutes ago but Amanda was still clutching onto the slack cold hand belonging to the young woman, her aim was to provide comfort even after she was gone.

Her head was still thumping with every heartbeat but it didn't seem to be as bad as before and she could also breath better since the ashes and dust were slowly beginning to drop to the ground, leaving behind a clearer air and vision. It was just a waiting game from now on. Waiting for help, waiting for rescue, waiting for... for something.

She jumped as her phone vibrated in her hand, her heart picking up speed as she spotted the Lieutenant's name on the cracked screen, hoping they were close by and that rescue was not too far away. "Liv?"

"Hey, honey, how are you doing?" she kept her voice as calm as she possibly could, not wanting to frighten Amanda further, even though she was a nervous wreck inside, frustrated that there was nothing she could do to help her detective to get out of there and bring her to a safe place away from prying eyes.

"She died." she uttered in a faint whisper, holding the tears at bay but Olivia could hear that she was near breaking point.

"Who? Who died, Amanda?"

Liv heard a shuddering breath before Amanda spoke again. "Greta, the trapped girl, I... I couldn't save her. I couldn't save her, Liv."

Closing her eyes, the brunette took a second to compose herself. Hearing the defeat and sadness in her detective's voice almost brought her to tears but she couldn't let her own emotions get in the way so she snapped out of her own mind and focused on the main task at hand; getting Amanda out of there.

"I'm so sorry, honey. I'm sure you did everything you could to help her so don't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault, do you hear me?" she said vehemently, needing Amanda to understand.

Amanda nodded, realizing that her boss had no way of seeing her, she spoke in a raspy hoarse tone. "I know, I'm just so scared, I... I don't know what to do, Liv. I just want to get out of here, I'm so tired, so sleepy." her voice trailed off and her breathing turned heavy, a sign that wasn't good when suffering from a concussion.

Alarmed by her subordinate's groggy state, Liv raised her voice as she tried to keep her awake and talking. "Amanda? Hey, Amanda?! Keep talking to me, sweetheart, tell me anything! Tell me what it was like to grow up in Georgia? What was the weather like? What was your favourite thing to do as a kid?"

There was a slight pause and Olivia feared that the blonde had actually fallen asleep, or even slipped into an unconscious state, but sighed in relief as she once again heared the sleepy tone of her young detective. "Really, Liv! The weather?" she managed to chuckle but it sounded more like a choking sound than anything else. "You want me to tell you about the Georgian weather while I'm stuck in here, dying?" a loud cough ripped from her lungs and a searing pain jolted through her shoulder like electricity. "Fuck, that hurt!"

Liv winched in sympathy, wanting somehow to elevate her friend's pain but knew there was nothing she could physically do. "I'd like you to tell me anything you feel comfortable sharing with me, honey, and you're not dying so stop saying that. Help is on the way and we'll have you out of there in no time, you just gotta hang in there for a bit longer, sweetie."

Amanda smiled lazily into the phone as she became aware of the pet names that Olivia had let slip on numerous occations now, surprised by how they made her feel,- all tingly and warm. "You've never called me honey, sweetheart or sweetie before. Why am I suddenly so special, Liv? What did I do to deserve your undivided attention?"

The older woman could hear the smile in her words as she spoke and couldn't stop her own lips from curling onto an amused and loving grin. "You've always been special, Amanda, I just... I guess I just never let you know how special, and I'm sorry for that, I really am."

"S'okay, Liv." she slurred. "If that's your way of saying 'sorry' then I guess I'll accept your apology. By the way, you're special to me too, Liv."

Tears clouded the Lieutenant's dark brown eyes but she managed to rapidly blink them away before they had a chance to escape. "Thank you, Amanda. That means a lot to me." she choked, fighting against her own emotions and swallowed her fears and worries. "Listen, I know you don't have much battery left but Fin and Carisi are standing next to me, telling you that you better get your ass back up here so they don't have to do all the paperwork themselves."

Amanda giggled weakly and coughed, feeling the dust once again as it got into her lungs. "What does a girl have to do to get a break? Tell them I'll be glad to do all the paperwork if I get out of here alive and I'll never complain about filling out forms or filing papers again. I just want to get out of here, I'm so scared, Liv."

Never, in a million years, would Amanda willingly admit her fears to anybody but her weakened and shocked state caused her to act out of character and say things she, otherwise, would never say out loud. Olivia knew this and it caused her heart to swell with emotions for her dear friend, feeling extremely guilty for having been annoyed by Amanda's tardiness earlier in the morning, and her own tears finally fell due to her detective's confession. "I know, sweetheart, I know. I wish there was something I could do, I wish I was there with you."

"I'm glad you're not here, Liv. It's not a pretty sight. _I'm_ not a pretty sight." she joked and tried to laugh but a another cough ripped through her throat, whimpering in agony at the shard that had pierced her flesh during the attack.

"Hey, hey! Easy, honey, take it easy. Shhh, try to relax, save your strength." Olivia was getting desperate, wanting to get to the young blonde as soon as possible but there was literally nothing she could do to help, nothing to even speed up the process to get her out of there faster.

"The air is so heavy, it's getting harder to breathe. I don't know how... Wait! I... I can hear something... or someone. I... I think it could be search and rescue. I hear voices."

Olivia's heart began to beat faster inside her chest, hearing every heartbeat thumping in her ears. "Okay, find something you can make noise with, like a metal bar and slam it against something hard, make noise so they know where you are, honey."

Frantically, Amanda looked around for something, anything, she could use as to create as much noise with as possible. It wasn't difficult to find anything metal, since there was a lot of debris and wreckage surrounding her, and she quickly spotted a metal pole that had broken into two, grabbed it and began to bang it against another piece of metal that was still attached to a seat that had been turned upside down in the blast.

"Help! Help me, I'm in here, I'm trapped. Can you hear me? Anyone? Please, I need help!" adrenaline kicked in and she found a strength that she didn't know she had and yelled at the top of her lungs to get their attention. "HELP, I'M IN HERE! HELP!" she continued with the obnoxious sound, metal slamming against metal and it rung painfully in her hears but she kept on going, desperate to get out of her dusty confinement.

Liv was still listening at the other end of the line as Amanda screamed for help, hearing the fear in her voice. It was only a few seconds later when she heard a shaky laugh of relief and the blonde announced that she had been heard and that they were working on getting her out of there. "Okay, honey, they know you're in there, just hang on, okay? It won't be long until you're out of there, just sit tight."

Olivia's words seemed awfully amusing at the time, as there were literally nowhere else for her to go, and she giggled faintly. "Funny choice of words, Liv. That's exactly what I'm doing."

It was good to hear Amanda's sense of humour considering the awful circumstances they were all facing, but especially Amanda who was stuck down there with dead and mangled bodies, all alone and air so dirty it was barely considered breathable. She admired the blonde's strength and positivity in the current situation but also knew Amanda well enough to know that it was her way of coping, brushing things off like they weren't as serious as it seemed to be at the time and didn't want people to worry or make a fuss over her.

"Good, cause I want you out of there in one piece." Liv stated, hearing Amanda chuckle lightly but the brunette could hear the fatigue in her audible expressions.

The phone suddenly beeped and buzzed in Amanda's hand, telling her that the battery was now running critically low and in need of charging. "Shit, my phone is gonna die, Liv."

The Lieutenant could hear the fear and panic that radiated from her female detective and her own feelings matched Amanda's as she would soon lose contact with her friend and none of them would know what was happening under ground. "Okay, honey, that's okay." she did everything in her power to stay strong, to not let her shaky and unsteady voice betray her. "They know where you are and we're all here waiting for you. It's gonna be okay."

The line went dead before Amanda had a chance to reply. A short beep and the cracked screen went black. She stared at the phone, heart hammering wildly in her chest, sweat now blooming on her forehead, neck and back as she could no longer hear the calming and caring voice of Olivia, reassuring her that things will be okay. "Stay calm, just stay calm." she repeated out loud to herself, over and over like a mantra, hoping it would have a soothing effect. "I'll be out in no time."

They were all going crazy with worry for their co worker and friend but there was nothing they could do but wait. Positioned at the top of the stairs, that led down to the metro, they assisted the search and rescue personnel, the first aid crew, police and the rapid response unit in guiding survivors towards ambulance and fire trucks that stood ready, already overflowing with injured patients and curious bystanders who were taking photos and video on their phones, immediately posting it on social media for the rest of the world to see.

Olivia didn't know how much time had passed since their phone call, that had ended so abruptly, but it felt like an eternity. Every person, every blonde haired person, she spotted walking up those stairs, looking all disheveled, injured and covered in soot made her heart skip a beat, thinking it was Amanda but got disappointed every time when she realized that it was not the woman she cared so much for.

Then, suddenly, Carisi's loud voice rang out from behind her and she immediately turned around. Staggering up the stairs, by the support of a rescue worker, Amanda finally came into view. Her whole appearance, looks, body and posture, seemed completely shattered. Her blonde hair was toussled, resembling a bird's nest than anything else, her clothes were dirty and stained and her pale skin showed a stark contrast against the black and grey soot that covered large patches of her face. When Amanda locked eyes with the tall brunette, who was standing at the top of the stairs, Liv saw the fear and pain behind the blue orbs, glaced over with hot and cloudy tears.

"Amanda!" Liv gasped silently and felt as if her feet rooted themselves on the spot where she was standing and she couldn't move and inch. Fin was beside his partner in a flash, taking over the rescuer's job by supporting Amanda's uninjured side, thanking the man repeatedly for saving her life.

Carisi was standing two feet away from Olivia, his mouth hanging open in shock as he took in the ragged appearance of his friend and co worker and he couldn't, for his life, get one single word out. "Don't look so shocked, Carisi. It'll take more than a powerful blast to get rid of me." Amanda spoke, her voice hoarse and raspy from the dirty air down bellow and a violent cough erupted from her throat.

The sound of Amanda coughing her lungs up, brought Olivia back to the present and she immediately sprung into action by helping Fin to guide her up the last couple of steps and she then found herself pulling Amanda gently into her arms, careful not to hurt her any further, and whispered soothingly and quietly, so no one else could make out her words, into a nearby ear. "You're okay now, you're safe."

The adrenaline was slowly leaving her system which caused her whole body to start shaking and trembling, the reality of it all finally kicking in. "Please, just get me out of here." she begged and felt Olivia's arms tighten around her for a second before she was guided away from the chaos of people, vehicles, smoke and ashes, away from prying eyes and the media frenzy that had already begun.

It was faster to drive Amanda to the hospital themselves, rather than having to get her onto a gurney and having to navigate through the crowd of people that was now increasing by the second. Fin drove like a mad man, Carisi was in the passenger seat while Olivia had her arms wrapped around her detective in a secure and caring fashion in the backseat of the car, murmuring words of comfort. As the adrenaline ebbed away the pain in her shoulder became increasingly disconcerting and she whimpered in agony every time the car rolled over a bump in the road.

"Easy, we're almost there." Liv hushed soothingly while her left hand kept stroking Amanda's blonde toussled hair.

Amanda was in such excruciating pain that she felt physically sick and she had to swallow a wave of nausea that seemed to have come out of nowhere. She tried to keep her breathing even and steady but it was difficult as tears had now began to rapidly roll down her cheeks and sobs were pressing against her chest, needing to come out.

Olivia noticed her obvious distress and gently wiped at the warm salty drops that were immediately replaced by new ones. "I know it hurts, honey, but we're nearly there. We'll have you fixed up in no time. Just relax and breathe for me, nice and slow." she cooed as she threw a glance at the rear view mirror and met Fin's concerned gaze.

"She okay?" he wanted to know, even though the answer was quite obvious.

Liv continued to brush her fingers through the fair but tangled tresses, studying the painfilled scrunched up face of her detective as she did her best to sooth. "She'll be fine, she's just in a great amount of pain right now but she'll be okay once the doctor gives her something for it."

Fin continued to drive for another minute before Amanda broke the silence with a choked up whisper that only Olivia could hear. "Liv, the bodies... the... the blood, I... I can't... I can't get it out of my head. It was awful."

Hearing the blonde whimper in distress, fear and pain caused her chest to sieze and her own eyes began to burn from unshed tears that were now brimming, close to the point of falling. "Shhh, I know, sweetheart, I know. We're gonna get through this together. You've got the whole squad behind you and you've got me. I'll be here for whatever you need, always."


	3. Chapter 3

Terror

Part 3 Of 3

It had been nearly three hours since Amanda had been rushed into emergency surgery, three hours since Liv reluctantly had to let go of her cold and clammy hand and three hours since the doctor had literally pushed them all aside, saying that they had to wait in the waiting room for coming updates. The waiting part was fine, it was the not knowing part that drove them all to the brink of losing it and ready to rip the next passing nurse her head off if they didn't give them any new information about their friend.

Olivia sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs, elbows on her knees and head resting in her hands. Fin was seated next to her, his expression solemn and worried as Carisi paced back and forth in front of them both, almost creating an indentation in the hard linoleum floor from his constant walking left to right, right to left.

Three hours felt like an eternity and she couldn't help feeling a wave of dread spilling over her as her mind went rampant, thinking of all horrible sceanarios possible, as to why they hadn't heard any new information about their injured colleague. Fin's voice suddenly interrupted her unsettling thoughts. "She's gonna be fine, Liv, she's strong."

"I know she is." she whispered and took a deep shuddering breath. "Carisi, will you please sit down, you're making me nauseous with your constant pacing back and forth."

Before Carisi had a chance to utter a word, an older man pushed through the double doors leading into the waiting room, dressed in light blue scrubs and thick rimmed glasses. "Who's here for Rollins? Amanda Rollins?"

"Here!" all three detectives said in unison and immediately stood up, heading over to the surgeon, ready to face whatever news he had. Hopefully good news. "How is she?" Liv questioned, wasting no time to get to the point.

"Physically she's gonna make a full recovery. The shard of glass did however sever a few nerve endings in her shoulder so it might take a few months before they are fully healed. She will experience a 'pins and needles' sensation in her left arm for quite some time but it should ease up after a couple of weeks and then gradually it will fade completely. The blow to her head caused a concussion so she will have to stay over night for observation. She's starting to come around now and she'll probably feel nauseous for a couple of hours but she should be ready to go home sometime tomorrow."

They all breathed a sigh of relief. Amanda was going to be okay. "Oh, thank god. Thank you for everything. Can we see her?" Liv queried, feeling hopefull and anxious at the same time. All she wanted was to see for herself, with her own eyes, that Amanda was indeed physically fine. Mentally would be another problem but Liv was determined to see her through it and knew that the whole squad would help in any way they could.

"Yes, but not for too long, she needs her rest. She's in room 16 just down the hall to the left. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have many patients to see after this unfortunate and horrid event." the doctor politely dismissed himself and headed back through the double doors where he had previously come from, ready to tend to whatever injury that would present itself next.

"You guys go in first. I don't want to overwhelm her by crowding the room." the brunette explained. "I'll see her after."

As her detectives were checking in on Amanda, Liv sighed and leaned back against the wall behind her, resting her weight on it, suddenly feeling very heavy. She couldn't wait to see Amanda, to tell her how much she meant to her, how special she was and how much she appreciated her friendship, but there was another part of her that felt apprehensive, nervous and somehow defeated. Amanda had told her earlier, during their conversation on the phone, that Liv meant a lot to her as well, indicating that there were deeper feelings hidden beneath the surface than just a platonic friendship. The feelings she had for Amanda had been brewing for quite some time, the past few months to be precise, but after learning about the attack, and that the blonde had been so close to dying, she could no longer stay quiet and she just hoped that Amanda felt the same way.

It didn't take longer than a couple of minutes before Fin and Carisi returned, their expressions hard to read. "Is she awake?"

Carisi nodded. "She's awake but feeling sick to her stomach so she didn't say much. She was asking for you, though."

Hearing that Amanda had asked for her made her feel more at ease and confident that both women were sharing the same kind of feelings towards each other. Swallowing her own insecurities, she instructed Fin and Carisi to go back to the precinct to finish their shifts, before she entered the quiet room herself, promising to keep them updated about their colleague's condition.

As soon as she gazed upon the blonde, resting on the big hospital bed, her heart ached. It was clear that Amanda was in pain, judging by her tightly shut eyes, her deep frown on her face and her fast and shallow breathing. She didn't register the Lieutenant's presence right away and Olivia took the opportunity to study the stunning and soft and complexion of her subordinate, seemingly mesmerized by her beauty.

Amanda's face had been cleaned from all the dirt and dried blood, her hair looked somewhat better, not as tangled and disheveled as before, and Liv could see a large bandage wrapped around her left shoulder where the piece of fiber glass had previously pierced through her flesh and into the bone. Her skin was pale, her dry lips cracked and a soft moan slipped from between them just as two pale blue eyes fluttered open and came to rest upon Olivia, a weak smile gracing her lips when she spotted the brunette.

Liv smiled in return and came closer to the bed, needing to be near the woman she had nearly lost. "Hi." she whispered while taking a seat at the edge of the bed, close to Amanda's hip. "How are you feeling?"

The dryness of her throat caused an unpleasant and achy feeling and she knew that speaking would be uncomfortable. "H-hi." she croaked. "I've b-be-en better." she grimaced and swallowed, wanting to get rid of the soreness that came from speaking.

Quick in her actions, Liv spotted a plastic jug and a cup, with a straw, on the bedside table, poured some water into the mug and placed the straw by Amanda's lips and watched as the blonde sucked greedily at the cool liquid, desperate to sooth her aching throat, muttering a 'thank you' when she was finished.

It was hard to find words that could easily be spoken. Besides, Olivia didn't know where to start, what to say or what to do. It was like an overwhelming crushing wave of a powerful epiphany washed over her, threatening to swallowed her whole and she couldn't find any words that could describe what she felt in that exact moment. Instead, she leaned forward and captured Amanda's lips with her own in a slow but sensual kiss, soft lips pressing against each other, exploring, tasting, teasing and Amanda immediately responded by allowing Olivia's tongue to enter her mouth, feeling the warm and velvety muscle caress her.

It was a sudden action that Amanda wasn't prepared for but it didn't matter. Her initial shock faded as the kiss continued, her body responding to the electrical current that Liv was sending her and she could immediately feel a rush of heat travelling to her lower belly and between her legs. The brunette tasted so good, so sweet and spicy at the same time, intoxicating and addictive.

When Liv pulled away, Amanda's eyes were still closed, her lips still tingling from the heartfelt liplock and her heart fluttering like a whole swarm of restless butterflies. It took her several seconds before she finally opened them and found herself lost in Olivia's dark brown orbs, gazing lovingly into hers. "Is this what you meant by 'special'?" she questioned, her voice still husky and slightly out of breath from the searing kiss.

Chuckling, Olivia caressed a pale cheek with her knuckles and cocked her head to the side. "Yes, honey, you're very speacial to me. More than you can imagine. I... I could've lost you today and that scared the hell out of me." she admitted, tears forming in her eyes as she continued. "I hate that it had to come to this before I finally found the courage to... to kiss you... to tell you how much you mean to me but I'm here now and I'm not leaving. Ever."

Liv's sweet confession created a steady flow of tears to roll down her cheeks, only to have the brunette's gentle fingers to brush them away. Amanda lost it then and her chest heaved with emotions that were finally catching up to her, making it difficult to breathe as her throat clogged up and her walls crumbled.

Olivia was, for one second, taken aback by the sudden burst of tears and the guttural sob that tore from her chest with a choking sound. She wasn't going to ask why she was crying, why she was so upset and distraught. It was clear that the initial shock was wearing off, the fear, the horror, the pain and the terror was finally kicking in after the day's event and Olivia wasn't going to question it. Instead, she rapidly blinked away her own tears and scooted closer to her friend, placing a hand on her violently heaving chest.

"Easy, sweetheart, easy. I need you to slow down your breathing, you're gonna hurt yourself even more and it's not good for the concussion. Shhh, baby, I'm right here with you and you're safe now." she could feel Amanda's thumping heartbeat underneath her palm and it was so strong it felt like it was physically lying in her hand, pumping. "Oh, baby! Shhhh!" she rubbed her hand over Amanda's robe clad chest, trying to sooth the wildly beating muscle. "You've got to slow down or you're gonna make yourself sick."

Too late. Amanda's eyes suddenly went wide and a hand immediately went up to cover her mouth, desperately looking around for something to throw up into and was relieved when Olivia shoved some kind of plastic container underneath her chin just in time. The younger woman tried to turn to her side to ease the convulsions but it was proved difficult with her injured shoulder and pounding head. Fortunately, Liv noticed her struggle and instantly offered a helping hand by gently rolling the woman onto her side, towards her, and rubbed her back tenderly as Amanda dry heaved into the bucket, not much coming out as there was nothing in her stomach.

"There we go! Easy, sweetheart, nice and easy. One more? Okay, okay, get it all out, there you go. I'm so sorry you're feeling so sick, honey, so so sorry." she brushed her fingers over Amanda's cool and clammy forehead, reassuring her that she was there and that she wasn't alone. "You done or is there more coming?"

Tiredly, Amanda pushed the bucket away, indicating to Liv that she was finished being sick, for now, and that Olivia could remove the unpleasant looking contents. "M'sorry." she mumbled between tears, trying to get her breathing back under control.

"You've nothing to be sorry for, honey. Just take a minute to calm down, I'm right here." she tossed the disposable container in the trash can nearby and returned to her seated position on the bed, her hand rubbing soothing circles over the blonde's, slghtly sweaty back, easing her back down.

"The things I saw, Liv. I can't get it out of my head." she whimpered, new tears rolling down her cheeks. "I... I can't... I can't..."

"Shhh, I know, sweetie, I know. But we're gonna get through this, I promise you that. I'm here for you and so is Fin and Carisi, you won't be alone."

"I couldn't save her, Liv. Her legs... her legs were completely mangled and I... I couldn't... I just couldn't... Oh god!" again, she brought her hand up to her mouth as another round of bile pushed itself up her throat and all she could do was to brace herself for the inevitable.

Just like she had done a few minutes ago, Liv grabbed another disposable tray just in the nick of time and watched, for the second time, as the young woman struggled with the powerful convulsions. Her heart went out to her subordinate, not able to even begin to imagine the horrid things she must've witnessed while stuck in the wreckage of the train. How does one get over that? How does one function after such a traumatic experience? How could she help?

When Amanda was finished, Liv found some paper towels, wet them with cold water and began to gently wipe Amanda's face and neck while murmuring soothing nonsense into the room, hoping it would have some effect. "I know what you saw must've been absolutely horrific. You can talk to me, honey. Talking about it will help, even though it might not feel like it right now. I know everything is still so raw and fresh in your mind but I'm here whenever you're ready. There was nothing you could've done for that girl and you know it, her injuries were too severe and I don't think anyone could've saved her, sweetheart. You can't blame yourself."

Before Amanda could answer, a nurse came in to administer some pain relief into her drip and she felt an immediate effect and her eyes began to droop. Once they were alone again, Liv made a bold decision and kicked her shoes off, removed her jacket and carefully laid down on the bed right next to Amanda, guiding her head down onto her shoulder, cautious about her injuries.

"They'll kick you out, Liv." Amanda murmured, feeling sleep overtaking her senses.

"They can try. I can be very intimidating when I want to be so I don't think there'll be a problem." smiling gently, she kissed the blonde's temple while running her fingers over a clammy cheek. "Just rest, my love. I'll be here when you wake up."

For two hours Liv held onto the woman she cared so much for and Amanda slept peacefully, her nose nestling against the crook of her neck, feeling the gentle puffs of air against her skin, causing her drift off herself. She didn't know how long she had been alseep for when she felt the body in her arms starting to toss and turn, incoherent words emitting from the blonde's lips and a painfilled expression covered her face, obviously trapped in a nightmare. She couldn't make out anything she said but she knew it wasn't good when she spotted the flowing tears from between closed eyelids.

"Hey, shhhh sweetheart." lovingly, she caressed the scrunched up face, trying to erase the frowns of agony and despair with her touch but it didn't seem to help as Amanda's murmurs and movements only became more frantic and alarming. "Amanda, I need you to wake up, honey. You're having a bad dream, you're safe here with me, in the hospital and everything is okay. Come on, my love, open your eyes."

As if she had heard Olivia's request, her eyes fluttered open and, for a second, everything was okay until reality hit and the images from inside the train came back full force and she crumbled once more, sobbing in the earnest. Liv felt her chest physically ache at the sight and her own eyes began to well up, devastated for her friend. "Oh, my sweet girl, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish I could erase the images in your head or bear them for you."

Amanda pressed herself as close to the other woman's body as she could get, whimpering in despair, clutcing at the front of Olivia's blouse, completely unravelling before her. This was something that, in her right state of mind, wouldn't do. Never would she allow herself to cry like this in front of anybody and especially someone in her squad, especially Olivia, the woman she had always considered a role model and a bit of a hero, someone who seemed so strong all the time and never judged other people for what they were and what they portrayed. This was something she just, plain and simple, didn't do. Yet, here she was, completely breaking.

"I... I almost fell over a man trying to get to... to Greta. He was face down and I... I checked for a pulse but... there was no heartbeat. I.. I flipped him over to... to start chest compressions when I saw... I... I saw... I saw his... his brain coming out of his skull and half of his face was... was missing." another wave of nausea swallowed her but she managed to, somehow, keep it under control. "I.. I can't get it out of my head, Liv. What kind of a cop am I? I'm so... so... weak." she spat, angry at herself for reacting the way she was and embarrassed for losing her self-worth and her pride by crying like a baby.

"Amanda, listen to me." Liv insisted, caressing the wet cheeks with her knuckles, drying the tears as they fell. "You are a great cop and an amazing detective. I have never come across a more dedicated and passionate woman than you and you're absolutely one of the best detectives I've ever worked with. As cops we've seen things, awful things, out in the field, things we'd rather forget but our minds won't let us. I can't imagine the horrific things you saw but you're only human, honey, and how your body chooses to cope with the aftermath of it all, has nothing to do with being weak. Everything is still so raw, sweetheart, you have to give it some time but I promise you that things will get better."

The younger woman fell silent. She knew Olivia was right. Everything was so fresh and the images in her head so incredibly clear that it was as if someone was playing a slideshow of brutal and macabre pictures on repeat, right in front of her, forcing her to watch.

A nurse came through the door to check Amanda's vitals but stopped when she realized she had a visitor, in her bed. "Oh, um... visiting hours are over, I'm afraid."

Immediately, Amanda began to panic and her hold on Olivia tightened, not wanting to be left alone. "Please, don't leave me." she whimpered, tears soaking the skin of Olivia's neck as she pressed her face into the warm and safe crook.

Liv bent her head down and kissed the golden crown gently, rubbing her hand up and down Amanda's slender back. "Hey, I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart." she hushed in a low tone so the nurse couldn't hear, but raised her voice as she continued to speak. "I'm not leaving her and that's final."

The young nurse could easily tell that Olivia was being serious by the sound of her tone and the look on the Lieutenant's face told her that she wasn't to be messed with. Her eyes travelled between the two woman, cuddled up so closely on the bed, and she just couldn't find it in her heart to make this woman leave. The affection and care Olivia showed towards Amanda was so strong and powerful that they would surely be inseparable until the blonde was cleared to leave the hospital.

"I didn't see you." the nurse whispered, quickly checked Amanda's vitals and left with a sneaky smile on her face.

"See what I mean?" Liv chuckled and wiggled her eyebrows. "I've still got it."

Amanda managed to smile through her tears, relieved that she didn't have to spend the night alone and that Olivia would be with her the entire time until she was released some time tomorrow. Glistening blue eyes slowly travelled down Olivia's elegant features but stopped when her gaze finally reached the plump and dark lips, feeling the incredible urge, a strong need, to feel those lips on her own once again. Hesitantly, she leaned closer, so close their breaths were mingled together, caressing each other's faces with the lightest of puffs, soft and gentle.

It was the warmest and softest of kisses and Amanda felt her heart skip a beat when she felt the Lieutenant's hand at the back of her head, carefully pressing her closer, deepening the sweet liplock. For several minutes they kissed, exploring one another's mouths and tongues, tasting and feeling each other until the blonde eventually pulled away, breathless and flushed. "That was... amazing."

"Yes, it was." Liv grinned, brushing golden tresses away from her heated face, running her knuckles over a blushed cheek. "And there's more where that came from, but we have all the time in the world to make out, plus, the doctor said you have to take it easy. I don't want you to get worse, honey, so please, do as you're told." she joked, smirking softly, which caused her a dig in the ribs from the younger woman. "Ouch!"

"There's more where that came from." Amanda smiled and placed her head on top of Olivia's chest, listening to the steady heartbeats bellow her ear. "You promise you won't leave?"

The soft words made Olivia slightly sad. Trust was obviously a thing that Amanda never had experienced a lot of before, like herself, and the older woman made a promise to herself to never break Amanda's trust in her. Gently, she pulled the blonde almost on top of her, mindful of her injuries, and held her tightly. "I promise you that I'll be here for as long as you want and need me. I won't break your trust, Amanda. Ever."

The End


End file.
